Monthly Archives: January 2004

Reflect.1

I was walk­ing through time for­ev­er it seemed,
Begrudged, not know­ing why I jour­neyed here, as
Fright­ened ques­tions gave unto ques­tions’ stare,
Frag­ile inno­cence giv­ing up knowledge’s tolls.

How can the world be so? my voice wept among
Cor­rod­ed iron ram­parts and misty cor­ri­dors

But I’d longed for thoughts that belonged not to me.
But I’d filled my head with poi­soned beliefs.

So I walked among the dead and their silent soli­tude,
Funer­al march­es, lurid day­light, a meadow’s warm touch.
For those who speak not they have many tales to tell,
In scat­tered whis­pers from their tombs of blanched stone.

And as slow­ly I with­drew from the grave­yard that day
I took also those lessons, in hap­pi­ly tear­ful eyes.

Sober­ing it was, with inspi­ra­tion lat­er that eve.
Then qui­et as a mouse, there was a new peace.

And here it is found, with a long, grate­ful breath.

I love as I always have — those close to my heart,
And I love too this life, and the secrets it holds.

Heart’s Retrospect

When love takes you down
With a beck­on­ing smile
When love cuts your mind
With emo­tion­al razors
When you’re on the brink
Between two worlds
When you’re unable to cry
Because the tears are gone
When all of life’s won­ders
Have turned into sad regret

So many nev­er see
That love this is not!

For true love is … car­ing
Not incon­sid­er­ate or hate­ful
True love is shar­ing,
Not fear­ful nor hoard­ing
And last, it is hon­est,
Not decep­tive or dead­ly.

For the ties that bind
Hold true and fast
And heed these words
To make love last.

When

If cou­pling is what your stan­dard bears, sex is all you’ll see,
If ease becomes your bat­tle cry, small pains you’ll always flee,
And self-ful­fill­ing prophe­cies, such inno­cent lies of thee,
The new world’s but a step away, if only you’d look up and see!

Why do you pun­ish your­self when you’re no dif­fer­ent than I?
Why do you for­sake strong wings when you can eas­i­ly fly?

How long will you stay your hand, oppressed by the tooth­less ghost?
How long will you be pris­on­er to thy­self, long­ing to see the coast?
How long will you refuse to know your strength and feel it is yours?
How long till you smile to me and walk through these open doors?

Being a friend is fraught with hard­ship, but about this time of pain,
The answer has been in front of you — why will you do this again?
Can you not take charge of your­self and let these specters go?
Must all the world be your stage, from dra­mat­ic high to low?

If you say you’re seri­ous in reclaim­ing your life,
Then please stop act­ing like you’re Misery’s wife!

Walking Free

Deep blue skies and moon­stone flash,
Whith­er went my dreams, old friend
‘Till I remem­bered you?

How small my place on ground would seem,
‘Till I looked up to your bound­less veils
Your brazen clouds, crisp knights of air

How bound I might feel on this dim land,
‘Till I saw the burn­ing sap­phire above
Where to launch my soul so high and free

And the winds, they charge to end­less days,
Soft whis­pers of dreams and threads of life
A blast of cold to wake you at morn

And the stars, O the stars that shine down in eves,
The night remem­bers our toils and wins
And gives us rest from this rush’ed life

And back they’ll come at dawn’s first light
Anoth­er day, anoth­er chance to gaze upon
The air­borne knights and moon­stone flash

Live to Endure

in silent dark­ness, I found my faith
among rag­ing fires, I knew a peace
amidst my tor­tures, I learned to love

with­in the void, my fortress strong
with­in the fume, my chok­ing shroud
with­in the pain, my strength of will

learn­ing to ques­tion the old beliefs
gasp­ing for air, a sweet spring breeze
los­ing my strength to a lover’s fist

they say we’ll always rebuild the walls
they say we’ll ever breathe again
they say we’ll feel true one day

when will that day be mine, I ask?
with­out the regret of ten thou­sand days
or mem­o­ry of bro­ken love to trea­sure?

the faith I had went down the drain
the fires that burned are ash and ice
the strain has become a part of me

the moment came when I learned the truth
the moment came when the spark was renewed
the moment came when a kiss was sweet

so here I stand, with test­ed strength
here I burn, with a pas­sion for fear
here I love, with this taint­ed desire

yours to make and yours to break.

The Narcissus-Prisoner

This tat­tered fold of the madman’s kiss:
Yel­low-flavoured moments of bile and flesh …

The slow, flash­ing fall of a doctor’s knife,
The white-walled rooms of end­less days …

The tables by day with their sheets alight,
Soiled with blood and anger by eve …

In the curl­ing pages a mind slips away,
In a sparkling screech, this soul falls to void …

And with each new drug I gig­gle and ask,
How came they to think they’re help­ing me last?

First it was Hal­dol, now Prozac is king –
With its warm lit­tle halos and a feel-good sting,

Anti-psy­chotics, uppers, down­ers for all,
Not a lick of your love, just demands to get well!

So, vic­tim or vict’mized, which was your game?
Did they ever find cures for apathy’s shame?

But methinks I for­got, you’re per­fect­ly fine,
Just say I’m in treat­ment and your sins dis­ap­pear!

Ten long years hold­ing this fam­i­ly at odds,
Each moment a lie that you’re hap­py with you;

A decade’s ani­mat­ed frus­tra­tion has passed,
Shap­ing your loved so you don’t have to change …

If lessons are truths,
Then let mine be heard:

Hell is an emp­ty house – haunt­ed by those who cared.

Armoured

On that summer’s night these wings saw flight.
On a summer’s night my hopes flared bright.
Head swim­ming, storms of sil­vered love
Soar­ing bound­less, ever far­ther above

Fate­ful moment, so cru­el and unjust
Now all we had is no more than dust

Mercy’s no elixir. Is there an escape?
Teach me, love, make me a believ­er.
Unqui­et visions at night, and will I live?
Break me, love, make me a sur­vivor.

Lying pained so long I cry.
Fight­ing time and sharp self-loathing.
Can I break depression’s hold?
I yearn for con­so­la­tion once more.

Scars will fade with time’s caress;
Pain is dulled by age and wis­dom;
Deep­er things are not for­got­ten;
Here I stand, armoured again.

Flux

Shed the skins of a fall­en age
Cast adrift and set the car­cass ablaze
Laugh­ing, singing in tense morn­ing air
As Nero’s fid­dle plays for­ev­er on
Flee the cities and the mad­mens’ rage
Away, death calls in the vil­lage square

From con­ster­na­tion, fright and fires
Adren­a­line, fear and liars

Escape the iron of the tyrants’ fists
Spir­it­ed away to a lagoon of dreams
Cut the teth­ers, let your­self swim deep
Lush­er forests, lurid full moon eve
Amber flick­ers in the cottage’s pane
Light­ning blue as the faery-lights wane

Crash­ing, rolling into gold­en silence
Stings the heart with tragedy’s vio­lence

Nineteen

Anoth­er year of won­der we receive
To cher­ish the moments grand and small
From gold­en sun­rise to rose-hued eve
In brisk­est win­ter and mel­low­est fall

From moun­tains to seas, from twi­light to day,
May you always have a light to lead the way.

The Arcane

The sweet scent of a warm pinewood staff
Reach­es into the depths of obsid­i­an eve
Past the qui­et cas­cade of heat and light
From a dying bonfire’s wax and wane

Beneath the weep of the vast wil­low trees,
Beyond earshot of the bat’s shrillest cry,
In a land as ancient as mil­len­nia past,
A gath­er­ing of old souls comes at last

Slow­ly approach the trav­ellers of the nether­world,
Sil­hou­et­ted by the crim­son haze of a fire’s last embers,
Shroud­ed in black, heads bowed with parch­ment in hand,
Hold­ing staves bear­ing old graven runes of pow­er.

Out from the clouds comes moonlight’s soft kiss,
From vel­vet skies shines pure, radi­ant beau­ty,
And for a moment in time, Silence is crowned king
As beasts pause to lis­ten to the strange folk at hand.

Goddess

Tonight, an eve so wreathed by beau­ty
Cast in moon­lit pitch of the heights above
So gaze on high and see the shad­ows …
Give your­self to the unqui­et side

Dip and swoosh in the moon’s hap­py wake, in a cot­ton can­dy sky
Nip and tease of sharp December’s air, swirling as it may

Tonight we go as high as ever
Tonight in snow, as strong as ever
Tonight in peace, as slick as ever
Tonight in dream, as qui­et as ever
Tonight in love, to be young for­ev­er

Today was learned by those who lis­tened
By those who loved, who threw me their hearts,
By those who ate the uni­verse and felt its savour,
Don’t you feel its whis­pers in you?

Today was won in amber melodies
By the glow­ing can­dles and a minstrel’s touch,
By the gut­tur­al notes of a warrior’s song,
Don’t you hear her call­ing your name?

And here I hear her sil­very voice
Bind­ing all that is and will be,
At once the death and birth of the soul
In even this one moment bright,

Just …

You,
Me,
Luna,
And the caress of the night –
Whose touch will always be wel­come.